Instructions please..

I don't know how I got to where I am today and I don't know where I'm going tomorrow. I feel so lost in life nearing the age 20. Most people have their lives figured out by now and have a handle on things... Right? Well I thought I would by now at least. WRONG. And this lost feeling only gets worse as I compare my life to every other 20 year old around me. The way I see it, it appears that they are on the highway to a wonderful life with a perfectly planned future. I'm sitting here back home, where I started, as they are in college on the freeway to freedom. Where did they get all this direction? I want some. Did their lives come with some kind of instruction to perfection? Who knows. The truth of the matter is no one knows where they are going necessarily. They follow their dreams. Do I not have dreams? Yes, I certainly do. But everyone grows at their own pace. And blah blah blah this sounds so depressing.
I wish I could sort out all of my feelings. I can't though. That's pretty cool (sarcasm). I love nothing more than being optimistic about everything possible in life, but I hate being around overly optimistic people. I also hate very negative people. But yet I can be one of the most negative people. I really need to figure out myself. I give myself headaches how I think about things. Journalism is definitely not my cup of vodka.
I say my cup of vodka because another characteristic about me is I love having a good time. I love having fun, laughing, smiling, &anything that has to do with happiness. I think that is the key to living a good life. Love whatever you do, and do whatever you love. SO TRUE THOUGH. There is no room for disappointment or sadness when everything you do is what you love.
Think about when you were a kid.. Everything, no matter what, was fun. Because kids are creative and imaginative and will make their own fun out of anything. And they love the fun that they create. Life seemed so simple then. Playing in the pond, playing tag, playing in the tree, playing booby trap the house on mom, playing kick the can, you name it.. It was fun. Kids love games. As a 20 year old, I think I need to stop trying to grow up so fast and maybe think of things in the perspective of a kid again. Then I would probably learn to love the life I live everyday. Maybe? I really don't know because once again my life didn't come with instructions. But as you get older, you learn how to find your way more and more. Hopefully.
I was going to keep my journal private on the count of no one would be able to follow one simple thought of mine. I have so many thoughts that I'm lucky I am able to write down one legible sentence at all. I feel like out of the four paragraphs I wrote I still hardly wrote anything worth reading or typing for that matter. Lol. I am a mess. Oh well. Live on.